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 Order, organization is an indispensable condition for the life of nature and the existence of civilization. The concept opposite in meaning is chaos. It is practically impossible to imagine a human dwelling, where there is absolutely no order, because man is a part of nature and cannot exist in chaos. But probably many of us have seen family homes, the disorganization of which is approaching this extreme state.
(There is even a linguistic image - "house upside down.") Even if the disregard for order among all the inhabitants of such a dwelling is approximately the same, the relations between them will sooner or later be affected by the same mortifying chaos.
Does this mean that the diametrically opposite content of the house is necessarily good for us? No. An order that becomes self-sufficient can also destroy a family, irreversibly spoil the relationship of loved ones. American M. James believes: “If there are never unplanned or accidental changes in the house, even the slightest disorder or spontaneity does not happen, then boredom can be born in such a house, then marriage will become a burden, the house will seem like a prison, and one of the spouses is a jailer ".
... The tension in the family of Lyudmila M. reached such proportions that each of the spouses began to “try on” the idea of divorce. It seemed that trouble was inevitable. Quarrels arose over trifles, and ended up accusing each other of all the "mortal sins": the husband (wife) is inattentive, and no understanding and sympathy on his (her) side, and constantly irritated, and his voice raises. A schoolgirl daughter was drawn into the orbit of the protracted conflict. No matter how hard the parents tried to restrain themselves, she also got reproaches and unflattering epithets “under the hot hand”. Once, by chance, Lyudmila M. met with a psychologist and in a conversation shared her experiences. Word for word, conversation after conversation - and the true background of her family troubles was revealed to the woman. It turned out that. Accurate by nature, she devoted a lot of time to putting things in order in the house. When they lived with their parents, the mother-in-law shared these concerns with her. But for two years now, the couple have had their own housing. Long-awaited and dreamed, it became the "spring" of the conflict between the spouses. More precisely, not the apartment itself, but Lyudmila's ideas about the necessary level of order in it. Every evening, returning from work, she started cleaning: cleaning, wiping, vacuuming. But besides this, I had to take care of dinner, work out with my daughter, I wanted to do some handicrafts, and read, and TV programs attracted ... In short, there was not enough time for everything. Due to the mismatch of desires and opportunities, internal tension grew. Ludmila's irritated voice was heard more and more often in the house: “Eugene, you have scattered books again! Alla, you are growing up a slob, why is the robe on the chair ?! " The "accused" learned to answer in the same irritated way, sometimes the girl cried, unsuccessfully trying to justify herself. And a period came when external reasons were not necessary for a calm evening to explode with a quarrel: the mechanism of internal discomfort for all family members had long been established ...
“But how?” Lyudmila said in confusion, when the psychologist sketched this picture in front of her, “Isn't this an elementary desire for order in the house? No matter how I go to my neighbor - everything glitters, as if I just cleaned ... And then, it turns out, I'm the only one to blame? If my husband would help more, and my daughter wouldn’t be so weak ... "
The psychologist had a long conversation with Lyudmila. Here are the main points to which he drew the attention of the interlocutor.
First of all, one must refuse to compare one's own life with the life of a “neighbor” (in the direct and collective sense).We are all different - in character and habits, health conditions and biorhythms. What is easily given to one person is painful for another, what is joyful to me is indifferent to you ... And in this sense, you need to strive to get to know yourself, your loved ones, in order to minimize the disharmony between the desired and the possible.
Of course, this does not mean that you do not need to desire more than you have or can do. But before trying to achieve this "more", it is worth considering: what price will you have to pay for it? If perfect order in the house is possible only through the loss of good relations with loved ones - who needs it, so priceless?
Is it only Lyudmila “to blame for everything”? Indeed, there are such husbands that they blame women for all the housework ... And how sloppy they are, how disorganized!
How to behave in these cases?
Let us repeat the well-known: love and patience are the best educators and the age of the "educated" is not important here. A kind word, an affectionate request can achieve incomparably more than an order, demand, or quarrel. "Easy to say!" - someone will object. And you do not say - try in practice. For a week, a month, years - yes, sometimes years of patience are needed - exclude from use a tone other than calm, other words except kind. Then we will discuss the results ... But if, nevertheless ... Yes, it is unlikely, but it is possible: it will not help. Absent-minded, forgetful, not energetic, preferring a book or TV to anything else, the husband will remain so. We'll have to choose: either accept him as he is, or ... "Or" shouldn't be. After all, before you will long and patiently educate in him an employee, an accomplice ...
“If my daughter weren't so dull ...” Very often we don't think about the level of our claims to our own children. This applies to their ability and academic success, as well as their other childish responsibilities. "He has to make his bed in the morning, put away toys for the night, hang clothes in place!" Right. But not in the sense in which a soldier, according to the charter, must obey the commander's order. Our task is to develop in the child the need for order, and therefore - in doing what is due. But you cannot bring up needs by order, demand, shout, but only by example, only by the way of your own life. And yet - with a kind word. And also patience.
And even if we are extremely demanding of ourselves, when dealing with children, we must remember that they are children. Army discipline and organization are incompatible with the concept of childhood. And the child's primary need is for a feeling of reliability and security. When this is not there, an inevitable deformation of the personality occurs, often irreversible. And if your boy "forgot" to make the bed (remove toys, clothes, clean boots), do not rush to accuse him of laziness and carelessness. Do it for him - without irritation and reproaches, when - silently, when - stressing: "I give you a little" day off ", rest. Just do not forget, please, tomorrow to do it yourself ... "If it seems that your son or daughter is abusing your help, remind:" Baby, I'm tired too. Let's do it together ... ”In any situation, a loving and patient heart will prompt the right words and actions, just listen to it, do not drown it out with the voice of sympathy for yourself.
If we go back to the history of the spouses M., we can add one more thing. Comparing the level of order in her apartment and in the apartment of her neighbor, Lyudmila, of course, was mistaken. “Sterile cleanliness is impossible in a house where people live - eat, sleep, do business, and finally move. And where there is no housekeeper, whose duty is to maintain the "sterility" of the home. Asking the owner of that apartment - she will probably shrug it off: “What an ideal order! Kitchen cabinets are not washed anymore, in the bright sun all the spots in the eyes climb. And the parquet has not been rubbed for a long time. And the books have not been sorted out for a year, probably ... "It's just that this woman, thanks to her instinct or knowledge, has mastered several important rules necessary to maintain order in the house.
These are the rules:
• Each thing should have its place, and all family members need to know it, not only mom. Then, even if in the morning because of the eternal haste something turned out to be not where it should be, in the evening 2-3 pairs of hands will not be difficult to put everything “on the shelves”, and it will take a few minutes.
• Wet mopping should be done once a week (in families with babies, it should be done every day). It is convenient to vacuum the floors every other day using a suitable attachment with a short-haired brush. This operation takes only 15 minutes, even in an apartment with a total area of 70 sq. m. The floors in the kitchen are best wiped with a damp cloth every day or every two days, because this is the most used room for the family.
• An important role in the visual perception of the cleanliness of the entire apartment is played by cleanliness of windows (dirty glasses can absorb up to 30% of light). They need to be washed as they become dusty, depending on the weather conditions (rain, winds) and the location of the apartment (windows to a quiet garden or to a busy highway). In winter, you can periodically flush the windows from the inside; kitchens become dirty especially quickly.
• Do a "general" cleaning two or three times a year. It includes putting things in order in all cupboards and tables, on shelves and balconies. Usually, each family member gets his own piece of work (dad - bookshelves; son - a desk and toys, etc.). Weekends may not be enough for all this, so cleaning is given a whole week (on weekdays - evenings, on Saturday and Sunday - day). As the Little Prince said, waking up in the morning, you must first of all put your planet in order. Our home is our planet.
• Basic cleaning with mopping, thorough cleaning of toilets, sinks, etc. is usually done once a week. Turn your weekly tidying up into a little party for the whole family. Each participant in the action prepares a reward in advance (better - in secret from each other): for dad - for diligence, for mom - for quality, daughter - for thoroughness, son - for reliability, grandmother - for "goodness" (she will most likely be cook for everyone), grandfather - for musical accompaniment ... The reward can be anything: a handkerchief, a pocket calendar, a notebook, just a funny "homemade" rhyme or, on the contrary, a recently "discovered" and immediately loved poem of a real poet.
True, our children are so busy! And on this day they can have a circle or an urgent meeting with a friend ... You don't need to be involuntarily, because joys are not born under compulsion. Is it really bad for you two? Not so soon, not so noisy, but - feeling next to the reliable shoulder of the one with whom fate tied you. And don’t cancel the gifts! Dad - for diligence, mom - for quality.
But it happens ... It happens that you don't want anything. Came home from work - everything falls out of hand. And here this dust and shirts are everywhere ... Sit for a minute in the midst of this "chaos", look around carefully, listen to the voices of loved ones, coming from another room ... Tell yourself: "This is my little planet. It bears the stamp of fatigue, it is a mess, as in my soul ... Let the planet wait, first you need to put things in order in yourself. Go to the next room, sit next to your loved ones - just listen to what they are talking about there, just smile ... Wait, planet. The main thing is that you are ... "
Sashina E.Yu. The ABC of Home Economics
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