A son grows up in the family |
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No, no, we love our daughters dearly and sincerely, but almost always every father dreams of a son. And sons are born, of course. And they grow. And they become soldiers and engineers, doctors and masons. And they glorify their surname, justifying the hopes of fathers and mothers. But sons not only make us happy, they make us sad more often than daughters. Let's watch. School. Who has the most comments for behavior in their diaries? The boys, of course. Whose parents are most often invited to a conversation with a school principal, or even a teacher's council? Boys again. And among repeaters, the overwhelming majority belongs to the same restless tribe of boys. What is the reason? Some parents believe that the difficulties of raising sons are hidden in the special character of boys - restless, inquisitive, energetic. Others believe that all the troubles come from underestimating the specifics of raising boys in a family. Obviously, there is some truth in both. Due to the biological characteristics of the organism of boys, they have enormous potential energy, which must be very skillfully, intelligently, and systematically directed; otherwise, it breaks free and brings not the joy of creation, but misfortune and grief. Unfortunately, sometimes parents who have a son are overwhelmed only with a feeling of joy, and not always alongside this legitimate feeling there is a sense of responsibility for how to make a son a real person. In the bright rays of parental happiness, this seems self-evident - the son grows up to be a real person. In the meantime, there is nothing to ask him - he just needs to be loved. And he grows up, learns, then he will show himself. Right. An adult son will manifest what his parents laid in him in childhood: good and bad, good and evil. With the appearance of a son in the family, parents will have to live for many, many years under his watchful eye. It will reflect their slightest miss. Their kindness. Their mind. Character. Demeanor. Everything to the smallest detail. Today we will talk less about education as the most important factor in the formation of a son's personality, because he receives education outside the family. We will talk today about moral education in the family, which is difficult, almost impossible to implement outside of it. Namely, from here, from the family, from the mother's cradle, our sons, courage, kindness, strength are carried away into their big adult life. The assertion that male character traits are formed only by male society, only by the difficulty of life situations, is not entirely true.
I remember one life story. The mother's son grew up. Good son grew up, kind. Her joy and hope. He had a smart and kind teacher. She taught him to read, write and ... love his mother. And be attentive to her. - Mom, I'll wash the floors! - Mom, I will help you to wash! The son offered his help generously and trustingly. - What are you! It's not a man's business to mess with rags. You better go for a walk, I'll manage it myself! Mother said and did so out of good intentions: let the son stay longer in the fresh air. Or reads a clever book. It always happened this way: the son came to a cleanly tidied room and to a delicious dinner - a pink-cheeked and witty boy. And it became the norm: everything good is for the son, everything is worse for the mother. And, like any norm, this state of affairs has become unshakable. And the son no longer offered: "Mom, let's wash together!" He only frowned in displeasure when the collar of his shirt did not seem snow-white enough to him.And the mother's hands have already become weak: after all, they managed to redo so many things in 50 years! The son grew up selfish. He came home from work, washed, cleaned himself (she taught him to be neat!), Ate the prepared lunch with appetite, indulgently praising his mother: "Well done, you did your best today!" He sat in front of the TV. I smoked and read. And fell asleep, it happened, right in the chair. Many times, in response to a request addressed to her son, to help with the housework, the mother heard: - It's not a man's business to mess with rags. Maternal short-sighted pity has now poured into a whole philosophy of life. This story, unfortunately, is not exceptional. This happens because we pay little attention to the upbringing in boys of real respect and attention to a woman — especially to a mother. It should be different. It is necessary from childhood to instill in the son the idea that courage, strength, honesty, generosity, the ability to come to the aid of the weak are the main advantages of a man. And it is necessary that these were not only words. How disgusting it is to observe in adult men an outward respect for a woman, a philistine, contemptuous attitude towards her. It is necessary that the son actually show his respect for the mother. Of course, it is difficult to achieve, but it is hardly necessary, that he lovingly does all the housework: washing the floors, running for milk, bringing his sister from kindergarten, etc., but you can make your son take on housekeeping as an absolute necessity, regardless of whether he likes it or not. The shopping bag that will be in your son's hands today will not interfere in the least with the development of his mathematical abilities tomorrow. But the development of positive mental qualities will help. And she will plant real gratitude to my mother for her great work in my heart for life. These are all elementary truths, but take a closer look at the families around you - in many of them everything is done the other way around. They do not bring the children closer to the worries and worries of family life, but send them out into the street, to the cinema, so that they do not push underfoot. After all, this is much easier than, seeing that the son has carelessly cleaned the apartment, to force him to redo it again, to ensure that any assignment is carried out with the utmost diligence. For this, parents need willpower, character, perseverance. And in order to do it yourself for your son, you only need physical strength. At the same time, we forget that a man in a son begins with these small, seemingly imperceptible little things, with a loving respect for his parents.
An amazing atmosphere reigns in the school before March 8th. And although the lessons are strictly according to the schedule, they are still different from the usual ones. I go to the 10th grade with the story "Heart of the Earth" by Y. Yakovlev. He is outside of any curriculum, and I need him today no less than a wise classic. This is an amazing, heartfelt word of the son about the Mother, about her great heart, about her mother's love. And yet - this is the sorrowful word of farewell to the Mother. And regret, painful, eternal regret that then, during her life, due to his youth and egoism, he was not gentle with her, he was not always attentive to her, every moment ... I am bringing this story to class deliberately: I want to bring a moment of thoughtfulness into this festive atmosphere of smiles, notes, jokes and the question: how am I? Me and mom? And also because I am carrying him to class, because everything is before my eyes yesterday's meeting with Yuri's mother. She arrived just before the call, so they had to talk in the corridor.Small, with blue tired eyes, she kept wiping away her tears and repeating the same phrase: “Yurik, son, well, how next? Deuces again? " And she looked up into his face trustingly, tenderly and questioningly. Yuri stood next to him, tall, broad-shouldered. He did not raise his eyes. He was ashamed. And I was ashamed. And everyone who watched this scene was also ashamed: this discrepancy was already very conspicuous - a big strong son and a little crying mother. And for “him, I also carried this story to the festive dress class. Yesterday he suffered only from awkwardness, angry with his mother. And I need something to make his heart ashamed. The story captures the power of the feeling beating in it, right away, from the first lines. They are still unfamiliar (and - thank God!) A difficult, bitter feeling - the memory of their mother. Their mothers are still around. But a young soldier, almost their age, recalled ... Together with him we stood at the post and warmed ourselves with the smoke that pulled the dugout from the chimney. And together with him we read letters from home: they also warmed me. In them, however, there were no lines, letters, handwriting - they heard my mother's voice. She told how warm she was, how well she lived. Here it is only worrisome for him. She wrote that she had a tree. And candles are burning. And the smell of pine needles in the room. And on the tree gilded walnuts flicker. The son listened to this even, warm mother's voice, and he gained strength from the knowledge that he was protecting his mother and that she felt good and calm. “Then it turned out that all this was a legend, which my dying mother composed for me in the ice house, where all the glass was broken by the blast wave, and the stoves were dead, and people were dying from fragments. And she wrote while dying. From the icy blockade city she sent me the last drops of her warmth, the last blood ... And I believed the legend. He held on to her - to his NZ, to his reserve life. I was too young to read between the lines. " And then they went with a soldier - their peer - for memories of mom. About his mom. And about her. It turned out that not being able to please them too much, they already knew how to upset them - their mothers. “But years will pass, and shame will overtake you. And you will be excruciatingly hurt by your cruel injustice. You will think about the day of your shame even after the death of your mother, and this thought, like an unhealed wound, will either subside or awaken. Forgive me, dear! " There was a good silence in the classroom. I know that at this time the heart of my children is growing. In these moments of silence. - Boys, do you remember when you kissed your mom for the last time? They moved, smiled embarrassedly:
- Still? Long.,. - Why so? - Why are we girls? This is not manly! My boys had a strange concept of courage ... There is such a quality of the human "I" that especially paints a young man, a man - courage. (No wonder they are of the same root!) Whether it will be a bold, principled presentation at a dispute, a fight with the enemy, the salvation of a drowning man, the ability to tell the truth in the face of a friend and foe and not give up on it for anything - it doesn't matter! But at this very moment in the soul of your son there should be an obligatory feeling - courage. Not parquet chivalry, which involves only the ability to bow your head in front of a lady, inviting her to dance, but real chivalry, strength, courage. Here, I must say, a lot depends on the personality of the dads. From their personal charm and masculinity of character. If they take on the most responsible decisions in life and the most difficult cases and sons know about it, you can be confident in them. Good examples are contagious too. But about unmanly acts with sons should be talked about more often. Once a bad thing happened: in the class at recess, an adult guy, a student of the 11th grade, hit a girl. She was wrong, she said unnecessary, hurtful words to him - it's true. "But how could you do that - hit the girl?" This was my student.And when something like this happens, a terrible ridiculous feeling arises in the soul: everything is in vain! All your painstaking and difficult work, all, it seems, a well-thought-out system of education is crumbling like a house of cards. These are very difficult moments in the work of a teacher. The teachers know this. Worried about what happened, like a slap in the face. And it seemed to me that he had grown. And he matured. And he became more noble. And so ... I stopped talking to him, saying hello, although this, of course, was not the best way to make him understand her guilt. Two days later he apologizes: - I'm not her, but I offended you! But how he humiliated himself, I did not understand soon. And it was not I who convinced him of this, but the comrades. At one of our debates "What do you mean by real culture?" there was a conversation about what a guy should do if he got a slap in the face from a girl? They argued for a long time, until Arkady got up. At school they loved him and listened to his opinion. The hall was quiet. "If the girl is good, say thank you!" They applauded him wildly. And immediately a counter question: "What if a guy hits a girl?" Arkady grimaced. “How can he look at himself later? I'm not talking about self-respect ... ”And sat down. Probably only then did my student understand something. In general, it must be said that disputes, disputes, free exchange of opinions in the classroom, at home, gives a lot for the formation of a young man's personality, helps the formation of convictions, helps to see his mistakes. Speaking about the upbringing of sons, I would like to draw the attention of parents to one very important issue - about sex education. Here we pay more attention to the girls, we tell them about responsibility for feelings, about the danger of early marriage, about the dignity of behavior, etc. And we don’t worry our sons too much about responsibility for their behavior, about their chivalrous attitude towards the girl. And we need to talk about it, because there is no reason for complacency. There is an interesting book by I. Shamyakin "Heart in the Palm". We discussed it with high school students. Especially many assessments, claims, disputes fell to the lot of the far from the main character - Slavka Shikovich. This is a sincere, glorious in his sincerity, but irresponsible young man. He is looking for himself in life is difficult, makes a number of mistakes. He deceived the girl, became close to her not loving. When some students reproached him for this, others (mostly boys) objected very bluntly: "What else could he do?" That is, recognizing some kind of restraining principle behind the girl, they completely freed themselves from it. I remember a long time ago in "Komsomolskaya Pravda" in one of the articles a young man named Andrei said that in relation to a girl one can judge the ideological nature of a guy. Maybe this is said in a youthful way, but there is in her, in this harshness, her own deep meaning. For long ago, courage and decency walked alongside respect for a woman.
The polemical articles about the growing inertness and spinelessness of the head of the family that have appeared on the pages of the periodicals cause conflicting feelings. And objections: how many examples of strong male characters are around! And a bitter agreement: yes, there are still men without any character and will, and how many children on whom the influence of the father does not affect in any way - at best, and at worst - negatively; how many destroyed families, distorted destinies, ruined lives. And the reason is all the same: the “head of the family” by name does not become the head in essence: he does not build, does not strengthen the family by the power of his feelings, mind, character, courage, tenderness. Because by the time a family is created, very many of these qualities are not in him. Because we overlooked and at one time told him little about the happiness of responsibility for our feelings. About joy and fidelity of feeling. Especially loyalty.For in many Western films and books exactly the opposite is stated - the joy of love in an endless change of experiences. The West puts it in the beautiful formula "Hurry to live!" not in the sense of "hasten to do good", but in the sense of "hasten to feel pleasure." Little do we prepare our sons to start a family. We instill little in them a sense of male responsibility for the family, for its strength and strength. “Once, all there is no time, you only have time to look into the diary!” - one mother complained in response to the teacher's request to pay attention to the swagger, and sometimes even the cynicism of her son in relation to her classmates. But the time has come to look into the heart of the son: what does it bring to people? It's harder than a diary. It's harder to look into the heart. But sometimes it turns out that we are not allowed there. That also happens. Although they have grown up, our sons. Or maybe precisely because they grew up. We were late. So, are you expecting a son, comrade parents? And are you happy with this expectation? May your hopes come true. Let the sons we are waiting for are born. It is great happiness to raise sons. And a great responsibility to society. In front of people. Before your conscience. For the upbringing of a son is the upbringing of the future citizen, husband, father. Therefore, teaching your son today to give you slippers and coats, and later to give you flowers, do not consider it a "trifle". By fostering in him today an irreconcilable attitude towards cowardice, meanness, vulgarity, you are fostering in him the courage of an adult man. By treating your wife gently and tenderly, you teach a wonderful lesson in respectful attitude towards women in general. There are no small things along the way. Kartavtseva M.I. Parents ask for advice |
This has been the custom for a long time: it is especially proud to rejoice if a son is born in the family. Hope is associated with him more often than with the name of his daughter. Even unsentimental fathers secretly dream of the appearance of a son.
A well-organized family upbringing is the basis of everything. This is an axiom.
If you even once had to visit school on the eve of March 8, you probably immediately noticed the extraordinary activation of boys of all ages - from 7 to 17 years old. With mysterious smiles, with shopping bags, from which bunnies, bears, nesting dolls stick out, solemnly and quietly they enter their classes so that the girls do not see their surprises ahead of time. All the boys are ironed and ironed so that it hurts the eyes to look at them: they shine straight.
- Long ago ...
When talking with our sons about love, we must talk with them about the family, because they have to build this family, be it not only material (this is not so difficult in our time), but also a moral support (which is much more difficult and because , apparently, is less common).
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